Marcia Montenegro set up this website after spending several years delving into the occult »»]]> Today I thought I would write a note about an interesting website I visited.

Marcia Montenegro set up this website after spending several years delving into the occult and New Age…. until finally she felt impelled to enter a Church and her life changed when she discovered Christ.

Her website is full of rich information about the effects of New Age,  occult and other areas that seem quite attractive for young people but which may actually lead to a lot of problems.

If you would like to gain some in depth knowledge on the subject of the New Age and the Christian response to it visit the link below.

Well worth a visit!

Today I thought I would share some thoughts »»]]> Some of you might know that I am presently doing an MSc in Coaching with the University of East London.

Today I thought I would share some thoughts on this course and also provide some resources for those interested in looking into Coaching.

First of all what is Coaching?  Really?

Well it is a way of helping people getting unstuck during situations in life where they may feel they need to tackle big decisions, review their life or if a person is going through difficult transitions.  It helps people to become more effective, more resilient and more reflective as well as it being an opportunity for personal growth

The psychology of Coaching is based on a focus on Solutions and the future, rather than problems and the past.  It is also strongly influenced by Positive Psychology and uses a number of models such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, the GROW Model (Goals, Reality, Options, Way Forward), NLP, Gestalt, Transpersonal Psychology and Solution Focused coaching.

So in a sense Coaching does use some techniques from therapy and counselling but the focus is not on exploring the past problems and just trying to get out of the rut.  It is about moving forward towards the ideal future and using the skills to achieve your goals and arrive to your destination.

I am presently finishing my two last Modules in the MSc before I start my researchmodules and I must say that my course has been awesome.  I really am enjoying it and I have learned so much through it.

I have done my Leadership and Organizational Coaching , and Health Coaching Module and presently am doing my Evidence Based Coaching and Psychological Perspectives of Self and Others.  So you can imagine that this is really quite an interesting course if you like coaching.

Anyway,  my future goal is to found an Academy of Coaching in Malta where those interested can learn the theoretical and practical skills of becoming a coach through actual one-to-one contact, instruction and role playing.

However if anyone is interested in doing something now I can provide you some contacts.

The University of  East London where I am doing the course now:  http://www.uel.ac.uk/psychology/coaching/

I was also contacted by Matt Green who writes articles on the Masters in Counselling website and he asked me to share this link with you.  It’s called 30 Educational Resources for Life Coaches and it has very some interesting links provided.  So it is worthwhile visiting:

( http://www.mastersincounseling.com/30-educational-resources-for-life-coaches ).

That’s all for today folks. I am off to study!

Jack Lundee is the chief editor of Everything Left and Shades of »»]]> Today I have another contribution by Jack Lundee about the importance of Integrity in Leadership.

Jack Lundee is the chief editor of Everything Left and Shades of Green. Supporter of all things green and progressive, Jack has been extending his reach into the personal growth blogosphere and today he is reaching out to the  Insightzone blog readers

Here’s his contribution :

One of the greatest qualities of leadership is integrity. In my opinion, integrity can be defined as honesty accompanied by the preservation of self and others around you. When somebody lacks honesty, it’s usually because of how he or she is programmed to think.

The human thought process is comprised into three different categories:

Perceptions

Imaginations

Beliefs

If you’re on a path to non-righteousness and your head is filled with dishonest and flawed thoughts, you’re more than likely not a leader, nor will you achieve ultimate happiness or success. Leaders have a tendency to affect others; they influence, empower and inspire -Altering your perceptions, beliefs and imagination can be quite a challenge, but there are some definitive ways for regaining integrity and becoming a positive influence.

First and foremost, you should become an example by leading the way. Whether it’s in business or your personal life, it’s always important for a confident leader to set an example or standard. For example, if you’re a teacher, you’ll always want to act on ethical principles and morals as to give your students a lesson in behavior. Treating one child unfairly or disciplining another in a different fashion can lead to ill-fated consequence, both for the student and your own self. Acting responsibly and declaring your thoughts in a manner that’s not harmful to others is another great way to set examples. Perhaps holding back on a swear word would be fantastic step in the right direction! Remember, your relationships with others are what really define your character and how you live. Whether they are romantic, civil, work or familial, all relationships must be treated with care, which leads me into my next point.

It’s always been wise to practice the golden rule (Treat others the way you want to be treated). Whether it’s a teacher-student confrontation, or perhaps a high stake investment game between world-renowned investment manager Daniel Zwirn and movie star Michael Douglas (Wall Street), treating people the way you wish to be treated should always be enforced. And if you’re on the outside of a situation where it is in fact not being practiced, perhaps this is a great opportunity to demonstrate your leadership abilities. Martin Luther King did just that in his famous civil rights speech by declaring his visions of an equal community. This is a great example of somebody who every person should emulate. His beliefs are what empowered him as a leader and visionary, and the same can be applied to anybody who’s lost their way.

Not only should you emulate popular leaders with ethical beliefs and perceptions, but also it always helps to stay away from crowds of folks that are already in troubled waters. People who’ve tasted the evils of cynicism and continue to indulge can have quite a contagious affect. These are what I like to call preventative measures. In any case, taking preventative action is usually the best action.

Their may always been a time when you feel like you’ve fallen off the integrity horse, and although it’s cliché to say, “The hardest part is getting back up,” it really is. It’s not always easy to remember a basic set of ethical practices and beliefs, especially if you’re a repeat offender whose perceptions have changed dramatically for the worse. For those who feel like they’ve gone past the point of giving up, it’s never too late to pursue success. A leader can clearly be defined through their level of character, how they interact with society and their ability to overcome these circumstances or adversity. Achieving positive and healthy human relationships is the ultimate goal, despite the situation or condition. Practicing some basic principles like emulating the right people, treating folks justly and setting an example for your audience are ultimate solutions for regaining intregrity and finding success as a leader.

Jack Lundee

http://everythingleft.wordpress.com

http://shadesofgreen.info

http://www.twitter.com/j_lundee

I have never met Emily but she contacted me after visiting my website and »»]]> Today I have a special blog post brought forward to you by Emily Walsh.

I have never met Emily but she contacted me after visiting my website and asked if she could contribute to my blog.

Emily is a person who is facing her health challenges with courage and willful perseverance and through her blog she is trying to rally the hope of others.  Please visit her blog and comment.

Thankyou Emily for sharing your thoughts with us!

Here’s her contribution:

Being diagnosed with cancer can take a devastating toll on the person and their family. It takes so much out of everyone just to remain optimistic and hope that everything works out. Whether the cancer is a rare aggressive disease like mesothelioma or a breast cancer diagnosis, it doesn’t matter. All forms of cancer have the same impact on the patient and the family, and it is very important to find as much peace of mind in such a mental state. One way to help achieve that is with the assistance of a life coach. 

A life coach is pretty self-explanatory. They are people that help those that are troubled to gain control of whatever situation they are in. For a patient diagnosed with cancer, this means the world to them. The biggest hurdle that a cancer patient has to deal with is living every day and wondering how they will feel when they wake up in the morning. Cancer patients are always undergoing chemotherapy, and while family can and should be very supportive, often times, that isn’t enough. It’s tough on the family as well, to have to endure seeing one of their own suffering. A life coach can ease the burden on all people involved.

As said before, the mental and physical burden is what the cancer patient must face every day. The side-effects of chemotherapy can vary from patient to patient, but almost all the effects involve the patient feeling terrible. A life coach can help the patient look forward to the next day, despite the fact that there may be nothing to look forward to for the short term. The cancer patient must always be looking towards the long term future, that being when the patient is completely cancer free. The main goal of a life coach is to make sure that someone is there to talk with and watch the cancer patient at all times. It means the world to cancer patients just to have someone with them.

A life coach helps to ease the mental, physical, and emotional burden of a cancer patient by being with and communicating with them, but that is not all. Life coaches have a responsibility to communicate with the cancer patient’s family. They must give peace of mind to the family that the patient is fighting with every bit of energy left and that the patient is responsive to any and all questions asked. A life coach can give tips to the family on how to communicate with their cancer patient in order to make them feel better, as well as some activities that they respond well to.

A life coach may not be the cure for cancer, but if they can, at least, make the mesothelioma prognosis a bit easier to handle for the patient, then that is a job well done.

Emily Walsh

Em-Musings.blogspot.com

Outreach Director at Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance
Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Blog

If you are living a comfortable life without any specific challenges you probably feel safe and relaxed »»]]> One of the biggest dangers to success is complacency.

If you are living a comfortable life without any specific challenges you probably feel safe and relaxed within your comfort zones don’t you?   You may slide back to looking for the path of least resistance without having to stretch yourself and grow.  However what happens is that the lack of stimulation will finally get to you and you start looking for distractions.  You may start drinking excessively; you may over-snack, start smoking or do other such activities that actually cause you harm. The fact is that if we do not grow as persons our standards are bound to slide back.

My advice is:  don’t compare yourself to others who have lower standards than yours.  Don’t feel smug because you might have reached a level where you feel at par or better in comparison to others.  Compare yourself with your Values, with the richness of your goals and with the extent to which you are moving towards your Life Purpose.

Also keep in mind that the persons you associate with is what you will actually evolve into.  If you associate with negative persons, there is a tendency for you to become negative too.  If on the other hand you associate with positive persons you will absorb positive vibes that will help you to raise your personal standards.

With strong beliefs to back you up you can now compare the life you are leading at present with the life you want to create based on your identified Values, Principles and Life Mission.  I am sure that your Dream is to achieve something bigger and better.  Maybe you are already a great achiever and you just want to continue to build upon your successes.  But even this requires that you raise the stakes.

Raising your Standards requires that you identify what you will no longer accept in your life.  What you want to eject so that you can rise higher.

Just imagine you are flying in a Hot air Balloon – to gain more height you need to eject the sandbags that keep you grounded until the weight is reduced enough to let you lift off the ground and fly high.

Raising your standards could be related to a certain behavior you want to control such us negative self-talk, or procrastination.  It could be certain Standards you had to adapt to because you chose to slide into the rut of compromising with your Values and Dream until you came to a state where you could no longer recall what your Dream looked like.  If your behaviors are inconsistent with your Standards- with the new you and the new identity that you want to create this will cause you to be dissatisfied.  Work this dissatisfaction to your favor.  Use it as a lever to propel you forward to change.  Use any frustration you may have to inject you into action.

Just imagine if Nelson Mandela had not raised his standards and kept to them.  How would he have survived his long ordeal and imprisonment?  It was his full commitment to his Standards, his strong belief, his certainty that Truth would finally prevail that lay behind his success.  When asked how he could survive such an ordeal he stated that he had not survived- he had prepared for the future.

We must develop a sense of certainty that we can and will meet our new Standards before we actually start working on living them.  Once we are committed to these new Standards we must never lower them again.  Make it clear with those you care about what your new Standards are.  Otherwise you will find that over time you may slip back to your old ways of doing things.  You will slip a bit occasionally but it is important to rise immediately and move on.

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This is an excerpt from my Program the 10 Power Keys to Life Success.  If you are interested to read more about the 10 Power Keys:t click on this link www.insightzonecoach.com to register for your free newsletter.

We have all experienced the difference that leaders can have on those who by choice or by default end up following their direction.  Leaders yield a lot »»]]> .

We have all experienced the difference that leaders can have on those who by choice or by default end up following their direction.  Leaders yield a lot of power and their influence can lead to remarkable achievements or grave consequences.

It’s no surprise that Leadership requires a number of skills and traits that will practically move forward the process of change and growth that is required in today’s globalised world.

Today I am sharing with you a table that provides some Leadership traits that can make a big difference.

However it is very important to emphasize that it’s not just these traits which are important.  The style of leadership must also fit the situation at hand, the resources available and the culture of the organization.

Leadership and Executive Coaching is one way you can hone your skills in leadership especially if you are in a transition phase or starting a new leadership post (for information on personal one-to-one coaching click  HERE

Next week Malta faces one of the hottest Referenda ever to be put forward in our society.

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Should we introduce divorce for those people who are struggling with »»]]> -;

Next week Malta faces one of the hottest Referenda ever to be put forward in our society.

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Should we introduce divorce for those people who are struggling with unfulfilling relationships and help them find space to start a new life?

Or will divorce open a pandora’s box that will change the fabric of our society?

I have given this some really hard thought because normally I pride myself with the idea that I am no one’s stoogie and I won’t be influenced simply by billboards or someone’s opinion. So I decided to really dig into this and research the subject a bit to come up with an informed conclusion that makes me feel convinced about the decision I have to take.

So let me put forward the For and Against Divorce cases  and then I  tell you what my final decision is after my deep reflection.

The case for divorce

There is no doubt that people are suffering in difficult relationships that create a living hell everyday for themselves and for those around them.   It is clear that the effect of daily conflicts between married couples  on their children is devastating and highly destructive psychologically.  Marriage is a challenging commitment and over time,   yes, people do change… and what seemed everlasting love and happiness can turn into bitterness and even loathing.  We are humans and our chemistry, our thinking, needs, desires.  attractions and yes, even values can change over time.

Because of this it seems unfair that people are made to live in such a hell because of the whims of those who are lucky enough to have a good relationship. My value of freedom and liberty shouts out against those who want to impose any kind of decisions on others. In a democratic society where each individual’s right to freedom is acknowledged, laws that enchain people to each other seem to be a shocking incongruence.  After all why should two people who have lost any sense of connection with each other be prevented from  starting afresh a new life that promises new love and new stimulation?

As a person who values freedom I find myself uneasy at the thought of being in cahoots with laws that infringe the individual rights.  And probably most people will agree that if we put the children’s needs at the fore of this debate, children certainly suffer in families that are torn by daily strife.  And what about women who are beaten up, and men who are abused by words or action?  What about those who genuinely feel that they need to move on in life and enter new pastures because whatever meaning their marriage gave them has flickered away into a natural death?

Are these people to continue suffering?

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The Case against Divorce

So what is the case against divorce as I perceive it personally?

I believe that deep deep down people yearn for lasting connection with a person they love and feel loved by.  If you ask around most people will probably tell you, if they are sincere, that given a choice they would prefer to have a stable relationship that provides deep fulfillment.   And if you ask the children they will also probably tell you that they prefer to have a stable and loving family.  But you might say….. yeh sure,  most people would at some stage in their life want to meet with their soul mate. fall madly in love and settle down to live happily ever after, but the reality is that this could just be a pipe dream.  By introducing divorce you can at least provide people with another chance.

True enough.

But what worries me most is the subtle shift in the psychological fabric of society that would occur if divorce were to be instituted.  I feel that the stability of some families would be corroded and people going for the vows of wedding would now know, deep down in the deep recesses of their subconscious, that the sense of security and firmness of the words ’till death do us part’ are now a sham.  Even if subtle and unconscious, this reality, I believe will influence some people into self-fulfilling prophesies as they may move into marriage with a nagging feeling that this might soon be over.  You may say…. Reggie, get real!  Look around you!  Can’t you listen to the popping sounds of relationships as they burst into oblivion around you.  True again…. but then, should we encourage it even more?  Should we accept that the concept of  creating lasting relationships is over because we have consciously chosen to introduce a structure of exit?

I am not a person who shines out as an example of spiritual enlightment or piety – believe me.  I am a frail human with a clear attraction to worldly desires and I have my share amount of difficulties and struggles with these issues.   I love excitement and trying out new things and freedom is important for me.  Still, part of me does not feel comfortable with the idea of being responsible to devolve the importance of a life time marriage in society.  One might say that divorce gives the opportunity for another marriage, but I believe it is never the same as the first one.  Over the past weeks, I have talked to some friends of mine who have gone through the throes of separation and divorce in the past, and they tell me how painful it is, especially for the children who, if of a sensitive nature, never really come out of the disappointment, disillusionment or hope of a reunion.  What is more,  this behaviour of children has been described to me by one of my friends as a feeling that the parent’s marriage is somehow ‘holy’ in nature.  In one case the son of my friend saw the partner of his wife in the house.  The partner without even thinking put his cigarettes on the desk where his father used to work at home.  The boy was so angry that the ‘holy’ place where his father used to sit had been infringed by this man that he went and threw away the cigarettes of the partner in the dustbin.  One might argue that these things are happening everyday in Catholic Malta and separations are rampant and increasing everyday.  True again,  but again, should we continue to create even more official pathways of family erosion?

My Hero and Light in life.

As I said I am no guru and I cannot say I am a man of great faith or example, but there is a person who is a hero and a light in my life…. that is whenever I stop rushing after worldly successes and stimulations and give Him space to work on me.

Jesus, unlike me, never doubted or mixed issues.  He was clear in his thinking and never minced words.

So the question I ask myself today is a simple one.

Do I choose to be a true Christian or shall I continue paying lip service to someone I do not truly believe in?

This is a difficult question for me.  It is a big challenge to be a true Christian because I am weak in a lot of things and find that my intrinsic values can occasionally clash with Christ’s clear message.

But one thing I know for sure.

Deep down inside my soul ‘knows’ the Truth that He speaks of…. and because of this I have to try and  put Him as my beacon of light in difficult matters such as these….. and I am sharing this with all of you so as to bear witness for Him openly (for once!)

So what does Jesus say on divorce?  Does he mince words?  Let’s have a look:

Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”³ “What did Moses command you?”he replied.⁴ They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”⁵ “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. ⁶ “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ⁷ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, ⁸ and the two will become one flesh.’  So they are no longer two, but one flesh. ⁹ Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”¹⁰ When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. ¹¹ He answered,“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. ¹² And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

–Mark 10:2-12

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‘Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and whoever marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery’ (Lk 16:18).

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Now I know what’s coming next.  Someone will come up with the Gospel of Matthew and the famous ‘exceptive clause’ to argue that Jesus did acknowledge that divorce could be given in certain circumstances.  When I heard this I was intrigued and decided to do some research.   Let’s have a brief look at what I found.

‘But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity/fornication [porneia], causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery’ (Mt 5:32).

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Julian Freeman http://julianfreeman.ca/articles/divorce-exception-clauses-matthews-gospel also puts in the argument that Porneia could refer to illicit sexual activity during the time when Jewish couples were betrothed and ‘married’ but their marriage was not as yet physically consummated (as in the case of St.Joseph who spent a year ‘married’ to Mary but living separately and considered ‘divorcing’ her when news reached him she was pregnant with Jesus).  Thus, the exception law could also be referring not to marriage as we know it but to the betrothed period when Jews were technically married but had not actually become ‘one body’ .  In other words Jesus might have been referring not to marriages as we understand them today but to the unique situations brought about by Porneia.

If this is so  the conclusion is, then, that Jesus was entirely consistent in his absolute rejection of divorce, without exception, invoking God’s ordinance at creation that ‘what God hath joined, let no man put asunder’.

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So where does that leave me?

It leaves me with a stark choice on the 28 th May when I go to vote at the Referendum.

Should I vote according to my personal values of freedom, liberty, adventure and respect for the individual rights?  Values I cherish and  feel passionate about –  values that make me feel whole and energized as a person?  Should I help to provide people with a second chance to find new love and excitement, things which are a humane need and a powerful attraction for us all?  Should I help to provide a new lease of stability and breath of fresh air for people who’s suffering I can feel and truly empathize with?

Or should I abide to my higher principles even if part of me feels uncomfortable …. even if part of me must die for the ideals of the Son of God who I admire?

k

The answer is now clear and unequivocal

I choose to adhere and be a witness to Jesus even if I fail him everyday in my daily transgressions.  Even if my heart truly goes out for those who are suffering because I can understand their pain.

I will put Jesus’s teachings above my whims and on the 28th I will go and vote ‘NO’ for divorce.

I will vote NO because I believe that Jesus is the Way and the Light in a world that has a tendency to become lost in a race of momentary pleasure and without any sense of real direction.  I have lived a life that looked only for personal pleasure, self-fulfillment, excitement and achievement.  Nothing wrong with most of them but I also know that when I was closer to Christ I felt better inside.  And if  He says that divorce is not the way, then I will abide by His words, even if part of me hurts at reneging on my values.  In this way my witness for Christ is even more powerful because I follow His advice not because it is convenient for me, but because I have chosen to put Him first.

So my decision is final.  Period.

I am sorry if I disappointed people who think I am liberal in my thinking.  I am still very liberal, fun loving and freedom seeking,  but I was quite surprised to find that when the going got tough, I realized quite happily that Jesus comes before my personal values and although  it pains me to think that some people will suffer in nasty relationships I believe that introducing divorce is not in the interest of the common good of humanity.

History and experiences of other countries shows this very clearly.  I think the problem is not marriage but the lack of support there is to promote strong relationships.  I know that I will receive a lot of flak from people who believe that divorce is a human right but my principles need to be honored and as I respect other people’s opinions so I expect others to respect mine and I will not be drawn into long discussions over the subject.  What I had to say I have said.

One final important comment.

While I totally respect the opinion of both parties moving forward their arguments  for or against the issue of divorce, I am quite disappointed by the way both of them have carried out this campaign. Why are we all madly rushing around the country plastering pictures of sad children and bloated faces of battered women to try and score a point?  This seems manipulative and disrespectful for the intelligence of people.  I am not here referring to people like Bishop Mario Grech who has led a courageous, relentless and passionate campaign against all odds.  I am referring mostly to the glossy posters we see in the streets.

Again I would like to ask our society this question:

Are we focusing on problems or solutions?

Are we seeking a quick-fix solution or a long term solution?

What I would like to see is more  EFFECTIVE and practical help in the preparation before I get married.

I want to have more support whenever my marriage is in crisis and at a stage before my marriage is beyond repair.

I want to see a combined effort by the Government and the Church to provide Marriage Experts and Coaches who GENUINELY want to help me if my marriage is in distress.  (BTW Prosit to the President of Malta, Dr. G. Abela for the research he is doing on families as I think it can lead to some ideas on the way forward.  I believe he is one of the few persons who are really doing something tangible and sensible in this whole scenario)

Let’s stop this  war of attrition where both sides seem to be caught in a frenzy of competitive spirit. Let’s stick up  Billboards that show us how we can find real help at an early stage to try and salvage  marriages that are in the red.

Let’s focus on what we want and not on what we do not want!

Let’s all cry out for a system that focuses on positive psychology – not reaction to problems.

We are all Children of God and let us not judge one another.  My testimonial is simply my belief and I am not trying to influence anyone.  However I felt it was my duty to share my thoughts with all of you.

Next week the discussion will be over and whatever the result,  life will go on for all of us with all the challenges each and every one of us must face….and we must learn to live together in harmony.

p

May God bless our beautiful Nation, heal the rifts between us, help all those who suffer and make us focus on what we are grateful for and what is positive and good in all of us.

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Most of us do manage to come up with an idea of what we would like or what we ‘should’ have in life.

However most of us find »»]]>

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Most of us do manage to come up with an idea of what we would like or what we ‘should’ have in life.

However most of us find it difficult to really focus on what we specifically want to achieve in life…. what EXACT goal we want to go after.  This lack of clarity will lead to uncertainty and a limitation in powering our action to achieve what we want.

Even if we do manage to have clarity, an even greater number of us stumble on one of the most important attributes that influence life success:  True and total Commitment to our Goals and Dream.

Here’s 7 tips you can use to help you remain committed to your Goals:

1. Create compelling reasons for your goals. Once you have clarified EXACTLY what you want to achieve, make a list of compelling reasons why you want the goals and make sure that they flow from your values.  The more you create compelling reasons, the more it will be easy for you to remain committed to your goals.  Let’s say you want to achieve a goal of increasing your salary by $5000.   Now list why you want this increase in salary and what it will give you.  Maybe you would like to go to that holiday in the Caribbean you have always dreamed of doing,  taking your family out on a camping adventure, start a new expensive hobby, buy a new car, give some of the money to a charity you would like to help.  When you write down these reasons and make them clear you will create a powerful compelling impetus to push you forward and find ways to achieve your goal, no matter what the challenges are.
2. Believe in your ability and stamina to win. That is believing that however grand, daring and compelling your Dream is you have the ability to achieve it.   The fact that your Intuition and Inner wisdom led you to identify your specific Dream means that you will have the stamina to manifest your destiny.
3. Raise your personal Standards. Unless you raise your standards and identify what you want to be and what you will no longer accept you cannot commit yourself  fully. Committing yourself to new and higher standards will give you the momentum you need to stay at the top.  Raising your standards is not something you do once but it is continuous – you need to continuously improve yourself and hone your skills and personal development.  We will revisit the need to maintain constant and never ending personal improvement later on in the book.
4. Take Decisions and never look back. Decisions are the ultimate power that will mobilize action and create influential shifts in your reality.  You need to become skilled at taking decisions and look for opportunities to do so regularly.  Even small decisions like choosing food from a menu can hone your skill initially.  Learn to take decisions fast and enjoy taking them.  If you have time to consider the pros and cons of a decision do so, but give yourself a time frame.  When big decisions need to be taken make sure they flow from your Life Purpose and Values.     Your decision to commit yourself to your Dream may be one of the most important decisions you will take in your life.
5. Have role models and support systems to constantly inspire you. Role models you choose to inspire you can keep you committed because they serve as a constant reminder of where you want to be and who you want to become.  If you have a role model try to get him or her to coach you or at least advice you.  If you do not have personal contact with role models use what you have.  Read motivational/ self help books and biographies regularly.  Attend self-help Seminars.  Take time out regularly to go to a place that inspires you and where you can connect with nature and with your Intuitive mind.
6. Avoid negative people and connect to positive ones. To remain committed avoid what can drain your energy and commitment levels.  Negative people can contaminate your will and commitment levels if you are not careful.  Inspire such people or else reduce contact to the bare minimum.  On the other hand associate with positive people so that you boost each other’s commitment levels.
7. Share your dream. Tell everyone what your Dream is.  The more you share it with people the more you will create leverage to strengthen your will to remain committed.  When you commit yourself to others it is even more difficult for you to procrastinate on your commitment – and you can find friends to cheer you on.

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This is an excerpt from my Program the 10 Power Keys to Life Success.  If you are interested to follow this up and get the full program just click on this link www.insightzonecoach.com/newoffer.html.  For those of you who  stumbled on this post, I am offering you the 10PK program at a killer price you won’t find again . Check it out at www.insightzonecoach.com/newoffer.html.  If you are interested in one-to-one Coaching here’s my link for more information on how you can get a free 30 minute consultation: www.insightzonecoach.com/listsofservices.html

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I’d like to share with you something that happened to me today which made me realize how important our perception of life is – a simple moment »»]]>  

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I’d like to share with you something that happened to me today which made me realize how important our perception of life is – a simple moment that really helped me to reflect and rush back to my laptop to write this.

I was off duty today and I woke at 7:30am.

The night before we had been up late watching a video and we had also had a late dinner and dashed to sleep immediately after.

As soon as I walked into the kitchen I was hit by a scene that resembled an Alien attack!…… the after effects of Dinner for six that threatened to spoil my chirpy morning mood.

And if you are like me… and I’m guessing most of you are,  you don’t really get excited with the idea of washing the dishes.

So there I was, looking around the kitchen and taking in the scene.  And I knew I had to take a decision.  I would either do some dishes and do my part of the job reluctantly, thinking about what the next job I had to do…. or else I would totally FOCUS with mindfulness on the job at hand and get it done with.

Being trained as I now am to coach myself in such situations I decided to take up this challenge and start the dishes right away!  And you know what, within a few minutes I had not only washed the dishes but I had also wiped them up, put them in place, cleaned the table and …. actually did not mind doing it either!

So let me share with you some reflections on this experience.

• FOCUS fully on the specific task at hand: If you have a rather boring chore to do, don’t focus on the entire job, focus on the individual action you are doing. If you are washing the dishes don’t focus and think about the whole load of dishes you have to do.  Just focus fully on the individual cup you are washing and give it its full attention.   When we look at the whole load of work we have to do it will seem daunting.  This is a trap that a lot of people with a tendency towards perfectionism fall into and this may lead to procrastination.  But if you start your focus on the first cup or fork and just work through without fretting on what is left to do, you will be surprised at how fast you go through things.  So just focus FULLY on that fork you are washing and give it full attention.

• Do the job with Intention. If you are washing the dishes wash with intention and immerse yourself in the moment. As I was washing the individual cups I focused on the mug I had brought from Disneyland, the plate that had a slight chip at the border and I also  felt the bubbles around my hands as I washed each item with intention.  Washing with intention is like a celebration of life, an appreciation that each moment is precious, that each chore- boring as it may seem, has a place in the circle of life.  As I was washing I remembered a Zen teaching that states that when monks are washing rice they should wash each individual rice with awareness and love, remembering the work and toil  the farmer had to go through to provide that individual kernel of rice in their plates.  After I finished washing the dishes I looked up the internet for this story and found an entry from the ‘Rules of Purity for Chan Monasteries’ that states:

‘When washing rice, preparing vegetables, and so on, do so with your own hands, with close attention, vigorous exertion, and a sincere mind. Do not indulge in a single moment of carelessness or laziness. Do not allow attentiveness to one thing result in overlooking another. Do not yield a single drop in the ocean of merit; even a mountain of good karma can be augmented by a single particle of dust.’

‘When preparing meals, one should reflect intimately on one’s own self; the food will then of itself be pure and refined.’

‘Treat utensils such as tongs and ladles, and all other implements and ingredients, with equal respect; handle all things with sincerity, picking them up and putting them down with courtesy’.

Now I’m not saying that we should all become Zen monks and start chanting mantras at each other.  However there is a lot of wise advice in the quotes above.  The fact that you ‘respect’ the chore you are doing puts you into a state of intentional doing that helps you to immerse yourself and actually enjoy what you have to do.

• Time is Emotion:  The time you spend doing a chore is not simply based on minutes or seconds.  It is influenced by your PERCEPTION of time.  If you decide to hate doing something time will seem unending notwithstanding the amount of time you actually spend doing it.  However if you enjoy doing something or if you immerse yourself fully into the task, time will seem to fly.  What I’m saying here is that the emotion you put yourself into will influence your perception of time.  If your emotion is enjoyment, total interest or immersion in what you are doing, this emotion will influence your perception of time.  In my case this morning, because I was immersing myself totally on the chore of washing the dishes and focusing on one item at a time with full intention, time just flew by and before you know it I had done even more than I had planned to do!

My final reflections for the day:

1. List out any chores you have to do but do not feel really excited about.
2. Choose one task and commit yourself to do it right away.
3. Do not look at the whole task  so that you don’t feel overwhelmed. Just look at the FIRST mini task you will do and start doing it….then go to the next and just focus on that.  Continue doing this until you finish.
4. Put intention, awareness and even love into what you are doing.  Be aware of each movement you are doing and notice everything about the task you are doing
5. Put yourself in an emotional state where you are enjoying or totally immersed in what you are doing and time will fly by.
6. Celebrate finishing this task, even if it is a really small chore because the fact you went through it is a learning experience for other situations in life.  Feel good about yourself!

Try this out with some chores you find tedious and then come back to this blog post and please  LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS so that we all share our reflections.

Kahlil Gibran:

‘Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.’

Negative thinking and self-sabotage are the main culprits that erode our self-esteem and the ability to be successful in life.

You can never really move forward in your »»]]> .

Negative thinking and self-sabotage are the main culprits that erode our self-esteem and the ability to be successful in life.

You can never really move forward in your life if you are shackled with a deep sense of limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging thinking that keeps you tied down to the swampy lowlands of mediocrity.

So today I’m going to give you  7 tips on how you can  overcome this tendency to beat yourself black and blue and come out bright and shiny!

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1.  Acknowledge the ‘Gremlin’ within you!

The gremlin that resides in your head  may be fond of telling you how inadequate you are and that chances are you will not succeed to achieve your dreams and goals.  He might say things like:

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‘You’ve never been good at this, why should you bother trying anyway?’

‘You’re gonna get burned if you try that.  Don’t risk!’

‘Are you nuts!  That’s too big a goal for you to achieve!’

‘You have always been a failure!’

Just become aware of your gremlin and acknowledge his presence.  The bastard is there and he will hold on dearly for life and cling to your thoughts with all his power.  But you do not have to humour him! When you catch yourself thinking these thoughts acknowledge what is happening, smile and imagine the ugly face of the gremlin staring at you.  Than visualize yourself grabbing a broom and beating the crap out of him!  Don’t let your thoughts be controlled by the Gremlin any more!

2.  Challenge your Self sabotaging thoughts

Once you become aware of your Gremlin and you start refusing to be controlled by him you need to challenge your self-sabotaging thoughts.  Have you ALWAYS failed in the past?   Are you absolutely CERTAIN you are unable to go for a big challenge?  Are you really such a TOTALLY hopeless failure? C’mon get real!

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3. Create new powerful beliefs

Write down your Gremlin favourite quotes and then create an opposite powerful belief.

If your gremlin tells you that you are an inadequate person  create a powerful belief such as:

‘ I choose to be a successful person in all the activities I need to do. I am ABSOLUTELY confident in my ability to achieve anything I choose to do based on my values’.

Write it down this Belief in Bold letters and read it every morning and evening.  The important thing is to load the belief with emotion while you are reading it.  REALLY FEEL absolutely confident and let waves of certainty filter through you as you read the belief every day.

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4. Use your past Successes to gain confidence:

Look back into your past and find two or three occasions where you successfully achieved a goal you wanted to do.

Now don’t tell me you can’t think of one!  That’s absolute BS and you know it!

So think of two situations where you felt proud of yourself and confident. Now feel those feelings of confidence and pride really well up and grow strong within you and just imagine you are closing yourself within a circle of light.  Imagine that within this circle of light you are feeling completely confident, completely happy, totally certain of your abilities to succeed.  Go out of the circle and leave those feelings within the circle.  Then, whenever you want to feel confident before facing a challenge, just visualize yourself entering the circle and drink in those feelings of confidence, certainty, energy and boldness.

5.  Hang out with positive people

You are a reflection of the people you associate with.  So hang out with positive people.  If you find yourself feeling drained in the presence of a person because of the negative talk and attitude he or she radiates, just avoid this person like the pestilence!  If on the other hand you associate with positive people who are role models and who are naturally  supportive to other people, you will find it so much easier to be positive yourself.

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6.  Test the waters

You cannot really change your beliefs about yourself and beat back your Gremlin thoughts unless you take action.  Start testing the waters by doing small things that get you out of your circle of influence.  Let’s say you feel like crapping in your pants at the thought of talking in public.  So just start small,  make a presentation in front of family members first, then to a group of friends and gradually increase your confidence as you realize that Yes you CAN do it!

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7.  Celebrate your success.

Each time you manage to do a small step forward acknowledge yourself and celebrate your success.  Have an attitude of gratitude for the good things that are flowing in your life and for what you are achieving and who you are becoming in the process.

Start integrating these tips on a daily basis in your life and you will find yourself gaining more and more confidence and certainty.

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