Clarifying your Core Values – an amazing experience
A mollusk shell lies on the sea bed – slumbering away without conscious knowledge of the treasure that lies within it.
It is only when someone opens the shell that the core treasure is exposed and a valuable pearl emerges to grace the world with its beauty.
In similar fashion, our personal Values and gifts may lie dormant in the recesses of our subconscious unless we make an intentional effort to discover this precious essence of our being.
Values are the personal traits and guiding concepts that inspire our actions, direct our lives and influence the decisions we take. Most Values are initially formed during our childhood and may be influenced by our culture or environment. But within each individual there are unique traits and Values that may remain hidden unless a person intentionally explores them through such tools as a Values Clarification exercise.
As a Life Coach I personally like to classify Values into External, Intermediate and Core.
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External or ‘means’ Values
These are usually the conscious aspects we may be striving to fulfill in daily life (such as having more money, work satisfaction, family support, etc.). They are the means by which we try to experience our core values. However such external Values do not necessarily always lead us to feel fulfilled in honoring our deep Core Values. Actually they may in themselves lead us astray of the True Values we subconsciously are seeking if we remain attached only to external values without looking deeper. You could buy a Sports car because you want to feel good and sexy, but deep down the Core Value that you may desire could be power, desire for attention/love and connection. The Sports car will probably only give you a temporary buzz and you will soon get those empty feelings again.
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Intermediate Values
Intermediate Values normally help to clarify a bit more what the external Value is about. But they still might not be the true Core Value itself. Let’s say that I really like my Job and I classify it as one of my external Values. On looking a bit deeper I might say: ‘I like my Job because I get to decide certain things for myself and I have the ability to introduce new things and practices.’ These would be my intermediate Values.
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Core Values
These are the end process of this Values clarification exercise. By asking ‘What does deciding certain things for myself and the ability to introduce new things and practices give me?’ you can come up with your Core Values. These may include the core Values of ‘Freedom and Creativity’.
At this stage it is really easier to understand why External Values are inadequate to really understand who we truly are intrinsically and what is our True Nature. Let’s say two people choose ‘Money’ as their External Value. On further reflection the first person states that he/she values money because it is a means to buy a house for the family and to save some money for the future. The second person says money is valuable because he/ she can travel abroad and buy fast cars. This would lead to possible Core Values of:
Person 1: Family, Security
Person 2: Adventure, Freedom
So it’s the same External value of ‘Money’ with a radically different set of Values.
Normally you will find that your Core Values will influence most of the decisions you take and the character traits that you have. Being aware of such core Values will give you ownership and the ability to adapt or adopt new Values especially if you feel that you are living inherited Values that are creating self-limitation.
The process of Values clarification is rather more complex than this as it requires the identification of ‘Attraction’ Values and ‘Moving away’ Values as well as the identification of any Values that may be incongruous with each other. In such situations a person may feel paralyzed into indecision due to this internal conflict and it’s important that such incongruence is brought to light and clarified further.
Another issue is that we may create Personal rules around these Values that may be either empowering or restrictive. If we create too high expectations from our Values we may feel never feel that they are being honored in our life.
Let’s say that you have a Value of ‘Security’ and your Rule around this Value is that for you to feel secure you need your marriage to be stable and without any hiccups at any time and that you will have a great cash flow and a fat bank account. Probably this rule will not be possible to be maintained constantly and the more unreasonable you make the rules the less there is a chance of feeling that your value is honored.
As you can see, Values Clarification can be quite a complex process, however keep in mind that:
Self-awareness is the key to self-mastery.
In the journey towards Life success and discovering our Life Purpose, Values clarification is possibly the single most important exercise that needs to be carried out.
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